Looking back at photos of myself, of my childhood, my teen years, my adult life so far, it’s so surreal. There are so many I can look at today and I still remember the details surrounding the event in which in photo was taken as if it were yesterday. It seems it went so slowly, yet so fast at the same time. I love to look back at the videos especially.
We were lucky enough to have grandparents with a video camera when I was young. I was about three years old when my Papa Charlie started video taping my cousin amber who was two, and me. Here we are, tiny little girls, running around the yard on a fall day, with Pepe the white poodle. We are smiling, we are laughing, captured on film forever. Fast forward. It’s Christmas morning, you see my Mom, my Dad, my Aunt Judy, Uncle Steve, and then the 5 happiest children in the world opening presents, hugging each other, sharing our gifts with one another. I’m 10, Amber’s 9, Trish and Neil are 4 and Stevie is 3. Amber got a real red slider turtle that year. It was the coolest thing we had ever seen. Put in another video my Popma is teaching one of our dogs, Duke, to play fetch. Fast forward again. Is that me walking across stage for my diploma? It can’t be. It all went so fast. I look at the pile of videos with happiness and sadness. These videos are the only thing I have to remind me what my Pop’s voice sounded like, what it looked like when he hugged me. The only place to hear the sweet compliments Papa Charlie used to give Amber and I as we ran around looking cute until Betty Boop called us in for a snack. These videos are the good memories of childhood, before our parents split, before we had a care in the world, this videos contain some of the best memories of our lives that we can turn to at any time, we can go back in time just for a few minutes, we can cherish forever.
Many people in this world are not as blessed as I am. They don’t have video cameras, or even film or digital cameras to document these precious moments. I never for one second want to take this blessing for granted. My son will grow up with every second of his life documented. The photos I’ve taken of Elijah in his 9 months in the womb, and 4 months 2 weeks and 6 days since entering the world, are already more than every photo taken of me from birth to age 20.
My family bought me my first video camera when I was in high school. I loved it and took many a memorable video with it. Ask my siblings- Amber, Trish, Stevie, Neil or Bob- about the skate video we made, after an eruption of laughter to the point of hyperventilation, they will be glad to tell you about the antics 5 teens with a video camera can get into. Sadly the 8mm Sony Video Camera, like all technology does, became outdated and they only sell tapes for them at certain stores for strange amounts of money. I can’t complain, it did it’s job for many years, and trust me, I used it so much I’m surprised it still works. So now that Elijah was born I am wishing I had a video camera to document his life too. I want him to be able to look at the photos and videos of his life and cherish those memories.
They do not allow video taping at the hospital Elijah was born. I’m sure it is for insurance reasons, and I honestly didn’t even think about it as being a bad thing. Now after Elijah is here, part of me wishes I could have taped it. It went so fast, it was so blurry, it was beautiful though, the most beautiful moment of my life. I don’t want to look back and wish I could have taped more times in his life.
I know I just wrote a post on Elijah’s birth story here, but I have never really shown you many photos, so in honor of documenting Elijah’s life, I am going to re-tell that story, this time I want to share his life so far in photos. As you read through feel free to click on the photos to enlarge them!
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March 6th, 2008 something amazing happened. I was given the most incredible news I had ever heard.
“You’re going to be a Mother. The test is positive, you’re pregnant.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I wasn’t supposed to have children according to more than one doctor. It felt like a dream. But the nurse sitting in front of me, holding the results, was really there. This wasn’t a dream, this wasn’t a false positive, this was a true confirmation that my life, in more ways than I could have ever imagined, was about to change.
As my pregnancy progressed so many magical events took place. I remember the first time I heard his heart beat like it was yesterday. The anticipation made me giddier than a child going to Disney World for the first time. This was WAY bigger than Disney. As the doctor put the little doppler wand on my stomach and we heard the first little galloping noises it was all I could do to cry quiet enough I could actually listen. The feelings I felt at that moment were, and still are, indescribable. This was it. This was a tiny baby growing inside me. This precious being. MY BABY!
The first time I saw him was even more magical. April 27th - I squeezed onto David's hand as I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. He was so tiny, so amazing, so perfect. There he was.
At the next ultrasound he was bigger, more amazing, and more perfect… and when they pointed to the screen and said- “And here is his little boy parts” – my heart skipped a beat again. My tiny baby is a boy.
Every doctors appointment I had, I could not wait to go! If I felt the slightest bit abnormal I would actually look forward to going to the hospital. I just wanted to see and hear this little angel growing inside me. I must have 20 ultrasound photos including a few of the 3D ones. However Elijah was so low at that point it was hard to see him “sitting at the exit door” ha ha
I was placed on bed rest not far into my pregnancy, so I spent a lot of time alone with just me and my belly. That’s when I started my old blog and wrote all about my pregnancy and this tiny being inside me. I never could have imagined the changes that were about to happen.
Halloween morning when I went to the hospital, I knew I was coming home with a baby. I just had no realistic preparation for my emotions. Nothing you read, no one you talk to, nothing you watch, can prepare you for the birth of your own baby.
David and I had been to the hospital SO many times during my pregnancy and each time it seemed a bit more real, but you never know really how to feel when it actually happens. So strange and surreal. I remember thinking to myself, wow, this could have happened totally different.
We had a HUGE room, the best nurse in the history of births, the worlds greatest anesthesiologist and even though we had a complication, it was handled so quick, professional, and amazing. We didn’t even realize until afterwards our doctor is actually one of, if not the, best in Baltimore and all of Maryland. We thought we were getting “special treatment” well yeah as it turns out, we were.
We got there at 7am. David was the most incredible coach I could have ever imagined. They had put my epidural in around 11 after I cried, scream, writhed in pain. Spit, snot and tears are coving Dave as he holds my arms tight. I can see the look of helplessness in his eyes as he tells me its okay. He loves me. I’m doing good. I hurt too bad to tell him, but I had never loved him more than I did at that moment. He was amazing. I told him I couldn’t handle the pain anymore. They told me I waited too long to get the epi. They kept asking, and I kept saying no that I wasn’t in pain. I should have gotten it earlier. They put it in and then 2 minutes later a whole team of people came running in after seeing something wrong on the monitors. The epi went right through me, to the baby. I remember the feeling, I can’t even describe it, as they rolled my on my side putting the oxygen on me, putting something in my iv, I was staring at Dave, he was backing up, tears welling up in my mask and this rush of emotions came over me. I remember my exact thoughts clear as if they just happened minutes ago,“ I wasn’t supposed to have a baby and now I was going to, please god let my baby live, if you have to take someone, please let it be me. Oh no, if you take me who will take care of the baby, Dave can’t do it alone. I love him. I love him so much. I love my baby. I want to hold him. I want him to be okay. They need to save him, I need him, I…” and then it just went fuzzy, all thoughts stopped, like I couldn’t concentrate. I opened my eyes again to see Dave, teary eyed, holding my hand. My nurses and doctors were amazing though and took amazing care of us. I know it wasn’t anybodies fault, it was just one of those things. A few hours went by, 3pm, Mom got there just in time for pushing. She came inches from passing out at least 5 times a minute I think. Seeing your “baby” no matter how old, have a baby has to be the one of the hardest things for a mother. It was so surreal.8 hours of labor had gone by, 20 minutes of pushing. I remember at one point the doctor told me to push harder or they would have to do a C section. Elijah was stuck. He’s going to cut me. He has to, I’m not stretching and Elijah is right there. He cuts me. Mom looks green. Dave is telling me what a good job I’m doing. He’s crowning. Mom’s passing out, and falls back in the chair, the nurse grabs my leg and suddenly there he was. I heard this tiny cry and saw him. So many emotions overwhelmed me at that moment. I don’t remember what I even thought. I can’t even tell you what I felt. I couldn’t even begin to describe it and definitely was not prepared for it.
Elijah John Thomas P was born October 31st at 3:20 pm weighing 8 pounds even. He is 20 inches long and the most perfect thing I had ever seen. He is my miracle baby.
Mom held him first then passed him to David. I remember the look in his eyes, I remember the words he said. This was his son. Then I held him. I thought the emotions from before were strong. This was beyond that. The only word to describe it is Amazing. This was MY son. This was OUR SON. Remember that new love I felt for Dave during the labor coaching? Seeing him hold our son was even more intense. A whole new love. I had a long hard recovery from birth ahead of me, but nothing mattered, I felt no pain, looking at my baby boy stops the world.
It never really sinks in that you are a mom while you’re at the hospital. To tell you the truth I still don’t think it has sunken in fully. What is apparent though is how quickly your children change, and how fast time seems to go by. Weren’t we JUST at the hospital dressing you for the very first time?
I’m glad we have been able to take so many photos and document these 4 months, 2 weeks and 6 days Elijah has been here with us so far. I just can’t believe its only been 4 months, 2 weeks and 6 days. It went by SO FAST, but it seems like he has changed so much.
From his first weeks, looking around, getting to know his surroundings. Studying hard…
To his first sponge bath:
or first real bath:
The many naps:
Cries …. Smiles… Faces that look like he’s yelling at us… Cute baseball outfit his Uncle Neil once wore:
Staying safe in Daddy’s arms:
I even took a picture of Elijah doing what looks like it could be the Soulja boy dance. Considering his uncle Gene & I did it many times while I was first pregnant, It wouldn’t surprise me. “Watch me crank dat, watch me roooolllllll…” ha ha
But all joking aside, We have documented precious memories since his birth that can only happen once. First meetings, some meetings that will never happen again. I cannot share all Elijah’s first meeting photographs because I have not gotten permission from the family to share their photos. But from Elijah’s God mother Beth, to his Great Great Grandmother Betty Boop, to his aunts and uncles, his grandparents, all the people that love him, he even has a God Sister! We have tried our best to take first pictures with every family member possible and continue taking as many family photos as we can!
Mom, Neil, Elijah & I
His Great Great Grand Betty Boop - His Great Grandfather Remo
5 Generations! Amazing! – Sitting on his Pop’s lap!
His Uncle Neil holding Elijah for the first time, then again at Christmas – Elijah’s Great Grandmother, Granny, holding him the 2nd time.
My baby brother Liam, my sister Jordan, and I with Elijah (who is waving… he he). - My father with Elijah and I. This is the only time my father and his family have come to see Elijah.
I have already tried my hardest to document each meeting so Elijah has photos to remember each person with. I show him the photos regularly. He loves to look at the family, not to mention that cute baby in the pictures. I can’t wait until he gets older and can really appreciate these as much as I appreciate my baby pictures.
The one thing I think about every time I look at the photos is still just how much he has changed. I just want to hit a pause button and hold him for 5 minutes more each day. I want to kiss and hug him one more time each day. I want to photograph him one more time each day.
From tiny baby to giggling tickle monster boy:
His First Christmas we wanted to make it so special for him. We put up 4 trees!!!
When he got his Jumperoo for Christmas he got so tired waiting for his Uncle Gene and Mommy to put it together, he fell asleep in his Nana’s Arms… now we can’t keep him out of the thing! Don’t believe me, look at this weeks Wordless Wednesday Post.
Dave even got a picture of the first time Elijah followed a toy with his head. I was simply moving it out of the way for a photo and Elijah got really upset, his froggy was too far away!
I’m really glad we were even able to take pictures of Elijah at his first office job… Even with all the work he apparently had to get done, he still took time to smile for the camera!
Whether sleeping or playing when he should be sleeping…
Or just looking cute without trying…
I want to keep taking as many photos of Elijah as I can. Scrapbooking them, putting them in albums, burning disk after disk, preserving these memories for him. So one day he can look back and appreciate too. I can’t believe he was only born less than 5 months ago. He’s so big already for a new baby.
I hope to make videos of him. I need to get a new real video camera when I can afford it, so that I can make movies for him like my family made for me. I want him to not only see the people, but hear their voices, see their expressions, see their love for him. I want him to see our love for him. Every day he is doing something new. I want to record that and share it with his family that is far away. I want to burn it to DVD and watch it every day when he’s grown and remember what a tiny little man he used to be. I want to tape him and remember him exactly as he his is, always.
I hope you enjoyed Elijah’s story so far. To see more posts with photos or more about Elijah you can search all the posts by label from the bottom of my blog. Thanks for reading!
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